The Epiphany

Anna Maria Island Sunset 2012

This morning I woke up in a thoughtful mood. That can only mean one thing to you, my awesome readers: things are about to get heavy. I have been a good girl for the past few weeks and we’ve even shared a laugh or two so, it was bound to happen.

This was not my usual once a month panic that wakes me up at dawn with a to do list that covers a six month span and a sense of urgency to jump out of bed and contemplate how I will manage to get it all done in a day. Which goes something like this: “What am I going to give my mom for Christmas? Did I really schedule that bill or did I just tell myself to remember to schedule that bill? Should I be cooking more? Maybe I should run to the grocery store and stock up on a bunch of healthy foods so we aren’t eating out so often. The dog is getting fat. I don’t think that diet food is working. She needs to go for more walks. But who the heck wants to carry her back home when she decides she’s had enough and plants herself in the grass like a yard ornament. I’d do it, but my knee would be aching for days if I carried a 17 pound miniature dachshund up the hill. That reminds me, I need to make a dentist appointment.”

No, I had an epiphany! To be honest, I think it was the jolt of caffeine rushing to my sleeping brain cells, but I like that word, epiphany, so I’m going to use it. Now, I can’t explain the thought process that brought me to my epiphany—it would just confuse you, as the above example shows. Let me just say, it started with a feeling, ended with a question, and the epiphany was the answer.

Epiphany: Sudden realization  a sudden intuitive leap of understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence.

I didn’t find the solution to world hunger or uncover the mystery of those little white spots that magically appear on the bathroom mirror, but I did have a moment of clarity. And in this moment of clarity, I found myself. I wasn’t looking to the past but rather to the days that lie ahead. With my son leaving for Japan, and my daughter in her last few years of high school, I am about to set sail on unchartered waters. Through all of life’s triumphs and tragedies, I am confident that I have built a strong and sea-worthy vessel to carry me through to that final sunset.

I’m not going to tell you my epiphany, I think you should get your own, but I will tell you the question: Where do I go from here?

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Categories: Life is an Adventure | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “The Epiphany

  1. I arrived at the exact question you did about a year ago, although, I did not have an epiphany to get the answer, mine was more gradual. When I was preparing my youngest to head off to college last fall, I felt my purpose in life had ended, so to speak. My purpose for the last 22 years had been to be a mom, wife and “homemaker” (if you will). Suddenly, I wasn’t needed anymore – but what about my needs? My kids were growing up (if not grown up) and they certainly don’t need someone to kiss their hurts and make sure that they had everything they needed for that first day of school. I had been their biggest cheerleader. Now what was I going to do? Could I make it through without being needed?

    I am still a wife – but that is scary too. Are we going to be okay without the kids around? Am I going to be bored? Sure, we love each other, but do we like each other enough? All these strange questions floated through my brain. Both of my kids fulfilled something in me that I wasn’t ready to let go of. I knew that hubby wouldn’t be able to step into my kids shoes. I certainly couldn’t mother him!

    Anyway, here I am a full year later. We haven’t had a stellar year what with a devastating financial loss, my father-in-law’s passing and the start up of a new business. But as I was reading your blog post, I realized that life has taken care of itself and while it wasn’t necessarily fun, nothing worth having is easy. I am finding my purpose. I am still a mom, and my kids still need me, albeit for different reasons. My husband seems to understand more and we are building our new business. I am learning something new everyday. It has been an exciting, stressful, exhilarating, and depressing process all wrapped into one, but we are going to make it. Thank you for helping me to come to this realization. Hugs….

  2. Well said, Kelly. I know a few people that will benefit from reading your comment, including myself. Life has a funny way of working out, even when it seems impossible. You and your husband are not the same couple you were when you first started out, but that’s what makes it exciting.Rediscovery. Now, remind me of that when I find myself asking the same questions you have in your comment.! Thanks so much for the input. Hugs to you, too.

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